Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
