Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
