I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
