I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
