Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
