just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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