yo everyone went to the hospital last night
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
