dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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