Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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