You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize