I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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