i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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