It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
