i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
