I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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