I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
