Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
