oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
