that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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