I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
