so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
this hospital has no fireball
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
