You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
