my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
