That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
