at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
