I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
