WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
