dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
