I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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