The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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