He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
