Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize