i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
