So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He shit in the fireplace
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
