Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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