would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
