Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
