Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Bring me that man meat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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