Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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