I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is your signature on my underwear?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
