Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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