I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
