im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
