is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
