I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
