I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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