I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
