Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can you bring me the toilet please
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
