turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
