scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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