jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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