I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just pee around me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
