I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
