Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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