The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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