I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize