I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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