i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
