i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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