Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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