Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize