my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We got so high we made milksteak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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