i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
