The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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