dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
