Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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