he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
