Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
