Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
