I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
