she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES