My cat gives me a boner
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
