dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
