guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it because I queefed?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
