Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm passing your future prison.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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