yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
